Archive for July, 2007

I don’t have anything of real value to leave when I die, no deed to a property in Florida or expensive jewelry not even an old gold watch – so this is purely for entertainment and not monetary gain.

You’re probably all wondering, how did he die. Some will wonder, why did he die so young; he always seemed so full of life and youthful vigor. Well, I did die young, but I don’t know what exactly it was that killed me. I just woke up one morning and my neck was stiff and my back hurt. It may have been the gout; I had a history of that, and was taking medication for it, and I had some indication of gall-bladder disease or stones. I felt stiff a lot in my joints, which I attributed mostly to old age, and after a meal I often felt a lot of movement in my stomach and sometimes at night a twinge of pain in the area of my gall-bladder as gas or stones moved about.

Or worry could have killed me. I had long since quit worrying about bills and earthy things – God seemed to be caring for us in that regard. I stopped dwelling on the palm trees and weeds that were slowly destroying our backyard, and the two large ant-hills that had appeared overnight in our front yard, and the toilet that backed up and overflowed twice a year, requiring a team of plumbers to climb up on our roof and charge us extra afterwards. I worried quite a bit about my mother’s health and her safety. She was 85 years old now and always getting up before me and nosing about the kitchen in the morning. Oddly enough I wasn’t worried that she would hurt herself so much, because she rarely tried to turn on the stove or go outdoors, or make coffee. I was more worried about insignificant, meaningless messes I had no way to prepare against, that she would mix a bowl of mixed vegetables and hot sauce, thinking it was cereal, or leave the ice cream laying out on the table to melt into a puddle on the table-top. One morning she had gotten herself stuck between the refrigerator and the stove, and couldn’t get out. I found her there, calling for me, unable or unawares to figure out that all she had to do was turn around or back herself out.

I worried about myself too, that my heart would stop beating, or that I might have a stroke. Gout is often accompanied by high blood pressure, and I was feeling the effects and one doctor had prescribed medication for that, but I never took it. Still I worried over it and all the things she had told me that high blood pressure could cause.

But despite all that, I think I died of a broken heart. One night about two years ago I awoke from a dream and I was sobbing and for a moment I just cried uncontrollably. I don’t know what great sadness I tapped into that night, but it was a vivid and powerful dream and I know I had been with someone I knew, perhaps the one I fancy still dreams of me from time to time. High blood pressure often leads to an enlargement of the heart muscle. Maybe mine just got too big and broke.

It was right after that dream that I signed up for membership at Classmates.com, seeking any news at all about that person. Of course nobody had heard from her for a long time now. Day after day I searched the list of messengers and the messages they left to the group, and checked my personal profile for visitors, but she never came and her name was inactive and had been for quite a long time I supposed. I didn’t think she was dead yet, but you never know.

One day after about a year I received a summary report from Classmates in my email box. I don’t know if it was a mistake or a ploy to get me to resubscribe or what, but it was a report of all the people who had visited my profile in that first year. It said that a person had signed my profile on January 13, 2006, and gave her name. To my surprise, it was her. But that couldn’t be. There’s no way I would have missed that. I called up all my old emails, to see what day I had subscribed, and sure enough I had signed up for membership on January 14, 2006 – one day after her visit. On the very night of my dream she had been thinking of me and visited my Profile page, and the report had just gotten lost in the mail so to speak.

Pretty funny, huh?

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The following transcript, which has appeared all over the Web, always cracks me up when I read it, but it really is a nice summary of the major events in the Second World War. If you need help understanding any of the words, just type them into Google. I added a couple lines at the end. I hope nobody objects…

If WW2 were fought by online gamers….

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*

Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur @#%$
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world @#%$
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my ****
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker
Stalin: rofl
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to @#%$ lol
paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoylshti!!!111
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all ***s
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o ****!
*paTTon has left the game.*

*Bush has joined the game.*
*P00tin has joined the game.*
*Santa~yana has joined the game.*
Santa~yana: Hi.
P00tin: Zdrastvooy.
Bush: Hey pardner.
Santa~yana: ne1 save all that?
Bush: Not me.
P00tin: Nyet. SMBS.
Santa~yana: n00bs
*Santa~yana has left the game*

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