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Archive for January, 2008

My Screenplay

Everybody in Southern California has a screenplay that they have written, that is everybody but me. Like Beethoven, my greatest work is sadly only partly finished, even though I’ve been at it a really long time. I mean, I read “How to write a Screenplay” in college way back in the 70s, and I’ve had this great idea for years, that I’ve kicked all around and all over the place, but somehow I could just never get it right, or be done with it. Writers want to be done with things, and need to be done with them, and forty years is too long a time to have a foreign object like that banging around in your brain.

I’ve tried every way you can imagine to write this script – I’ve handwritten in pencil and ink on sheets of paper and index cards, typewritten on portables and selectrics, even employed several generations and brands of computers for the task, but always I’ve only gotten so far. My last serious attempt was on my old HP computer running Windows 95. I made a lot of headway that time, and when it was all over I had written 165 complete scenes. Like the author of the How-to book suggested, I made up an index card for each scene, and pinned them up on a board, and tried to juggle them around, but I just couldn’t fashion them into anything that worked, and eventually I accidentally deleted all the Microsoft Word document files from my hard-drive along with everything else I had created that year.

I didn’t miss the screenplay that much actually, because I still had it in my head. What I missed most were my two computer airbrush drawings that I had made with Fractal Painter, a paint program that simulates the functionality of real artist’s tools such as pencils, ink, chalk, watercolor paints and airbrushes. The first drawing was a lovely red rose, covered with dew-drops that had come out so real even I was amazed. The other was a copy of an Andrea Mistretta work that had caught my eye called “the classy bag-lady” that I had tried to sketch and airbrush. I love this particular drawing. Doesn’t it make you want to just go shopping on Rodeo Drive or the internet?

Artist Credit: Andrea Mistretta “Classy Bag lady”

But that’s all in the past, and so much water-color under the bridge. So the other day I started writing my screenplay again, and I even found the book with the two drawings and scanned them and saved them on my hard drive, which now begs the question, how much longer will this hard drive of mine hold out?

Note: To read the Screenplay click the “Danzig PDF Version” in the sidebar at the right.

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Comments on My Joke

Here’s some of the comments I got regarding my Christmas joke, after I posted it on the Battleground Europe Off Topic Forum. You can read the Joke in the “Joke of the Day” section, in the sidebar.

[Reader]Nope [I don’t get it.]

[Me:]H3O3 is the chemical formula for Ho Ho Ho!!! Ha Ha Ha!!!

[Reader]Wow.

[Me:]This joke will be huge on college campuses.

I’ll never forget the first time I read “Definition of Calculus = d’agony and dx/dz” on the bathroom stall, and couldn’t stop laughing.

Or the ferrous wheel…

……fe++
..fe++….fe++
fe++…….fe++
..fe++….fe++
……fe++

[German reader]Is it me or do these jokes just dont make sense?

[Reader]It aint just u

[Me:]Here you go:
Warum fliegt der Schlitten von Santa so schnell?

Weil es durch eine Peroxyd ähnliche Chemikalie namens HoHoHo (H3O3) angetrieben wird.

[German Reader]AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

[Reader]H3O3 just gives the number of each letter, not the orientation of each in relation to the others.

something along the lines of (HO)3 would have been closer

[Reader]have we a true chemist, we have

that class SUCKS. all those stupid elements and friggen equations and whatnot

[Reader]4 years, BS in Biochemisty was the actual degree….and yes I can talk alot of BS about it for all that i have had the opportunity to use.

H(OH)2O

??

[Me:]I don’t think that would be correct notation either, so I went with the other which might be construed as some super form of peroxide, i.e., Santa’s rocket fuel.

[Reader]hmm…. how many languages can i say FAIL in?

Fail
Versagen
Échouer
Терпеть неудачу

what is it in spanish?

[Reader]ah but with an extra OH wouldn’t that make it a basic peroxide instead?

[Me:]My thinking was…H2O is water, H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, H3O3 is….whatever I want it to be. I think it’s actully funnier in German.

[Reader:]oh come on….super form….basic form

can you not work with me here?

[Me:] 😦

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Here’s some of my favorite rockin’ Youtube clips.

Bob Dylan et. al. – My Back Pages:

The Corrs – Dreams (Further proof that old men and young women can still make beautiful music together.)

George Harrison and Paul Simon – Homeward Bound

Dave Matthews at Woodstock 99:

All Along the Watchtower:

Jimi Hendrix – Fire:

The Eagles – Tequila Sunrise

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