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Archive for February, 2009

Made-up

Thanks to wiifitgirl Lauren Bernat, who posted some eye-opening photos on her blog. See The Magic of Makeup.

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So, you’re a young guy, and you go out on the town one night and you see an attractive older woman sitting alone having a drink. What the hell, you think, so you get up and saunter over to the other end of the cantina, and order up a couple of funky, cold medinas. You shoot the shit with her, have a few more drinks, and one thing leads to another. Finally you lean over and kiss her and she returns the favor, and it was a good investment, because the interest begins to pile up.

40-years-old2

The next morning, you wake up or come to alone in the bed in your hotel room, but you hear the shower running in the bathroom. You find your boxers, disentangle them from the bedsheet, crawl out of bed, and trip over a pair of high heels that you hope aren’t your size on the way to the bathroom.

You knock po-lightly, inch open the bathroom door, and peer in before you call out “Are you decent?” but don’t really wait for the answer – that’s no fun. It’s a little steamy in there and the mirror is fogged, and you breathe a sigh of relief when you finally see the small, female figure sitting at the setee combing out her wet hair, wrapped in one of the hotel’s large monogrammed  bath towels that barely circumnavigates your girth once, but, you see, easily wraps around her twice. 

Good morning, you say, feeling lucky, and pretending you remember her from the night before.

Good morning, she answers, looking up at you, and the first thing you notice about her are how big, and trusting are her baby-blue eyes…

model1

Just be careful out there guys…

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1 – Go to Wikipedia, hit “random”
or click here
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 – Go to “Random quotations”
or click here
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 – Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click 7Days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 – Use Photoshop or similar program to put it all together.

Here is my first effort, but, admittedly, I cheated by using the 5th picture that appeared at Flickr.com.

billinudgel

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Up on the Roof

One day when I was a boy, I came home from school and my dad was up on the roof, bare to the waist with his dungarees rolled up to the knees. He had this bucket full of oily slop that smelled of fish oil and tar, that he was mopping onto the wooden shingles on the roof, and when I had climbed to the top of the ladder to see what he was, literally, up to, he stopped for a moment, wiped the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief, and, leaning on the mop handle, tried to explain to me how this concoction he had made would protect the roof from the sun and the rain. I watched him for a little while longer, and then went inside and laid down on the sofa and turned on the tv, to watch The Lloyd Thaxton Show, Southern California’s answer to American Bandstand.

Suddenly I heard a loud thumping noise on the roof and saw a big shadow pass by the window, and then I heard my big sister scream. I ran outside and she was standing there crying. I looked over and my dad was laying on one of the big camelia bushes in the flower-bed, laughing his ass off.

Did I mention that my dad had been a paratrooper, when he was in the Army?

We don’t live in that same house anymore, but I can still see the roof from here. It held up pretty good over the years. But all the pretty camelias are gone.

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Best Game Forum Sig Evar!!

thewenchsig-1

Credit: WillyTee (cartoonist extraordinaire)

This is the sig used in the discussion forums for Battleground Europe by a player who calls herself “thewench.”

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Photo Credit: NASA

Photo Credit: NASA

Buzz Aldrin standing on the moon. The story is, the astronauts were unable to fully extend the horizontal tube supporting the flag, so it only “appears” to be rippling in the breeze.

The only thing I want to know is, why did they go to the moon at night?

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All I Want is a Moosepin

moosepin

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beemovie

Bee-Lines

Came I but by the money
To fetch for you a pleasure
I’d trust it to no bumbling bee
To post it at his leisure

He’d breach a spider’s web for wrap
At high velocity, then slow
While slender, silver butterflies
Slide scissors down a rainbow

Past sprinkling with nectar
Fresh from the vernal vines
He’d whisk it off to you, dear
And right his tie, and recite his lines.

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